Never Turn Back

My Dear Erica,

It’s difficult to tell you this in person. I’m a very shy person, so that’s why i prefer to write it in this letter. Each night as i lay on my bed, thinking of you. I feel the happiness and peace that i never felt before inside of me. You’re like an angel sent from up above to save my soul. How can i ever thank you for such love and care you’ve given me. I never felt valued like this during my entire life. My case isn’t new to you, anymore. You’re the first person who ever could understand what i’m going through. As you already know that it’s only my mom and i . I never seen my dad which was really tough on me not to have a male role model. Gosh!, each time i think about our first encounter, it just puts a smile on my face. Sometimes i ask myself , how lucky to have the chance to have a good friend like you. You brought brightness into my dark life. At the Antique shop , you’re soft voice and charm really impressed me. You’re a natural beauty . I’d never met a girl so kind and understanding. Most of the other girls just freak out when they see me. There was a time , i kept pestering my mom to tell me about dad. Finally, she got fed up and told me that when she gave birth to me at the hospital. My dad screamed in front of everyone :”This one legged monster isn’t my son.!” He immediatley left and mom hasn’t seen him since then. I guess, he just vanished in thin air. Never called or wrote to us. I don’t even know if he’s dead or still alive. Actually , i don’t care anymore, what became of him. I hope that he burned up in hell. It’s not easy being stuck in this damn wheelchair for the rest of my life. People don’t realize how handicap people like us suffer so much more inside than outside. We’re human beings like everyone else. Why can’t we be treated like humans but not monsters or aliens? When people just look at us , they shake their heads in pity and walk a way. I never had a friend, that’s why my life was so bitter. That all changed the day i met you. You taught me the value of life. What really touched my heart is when you told me that:” the real beauty comes from the inside but not how you look like physically. Before i wished i looked like those normal good looking guys and girls will just go crazy over me. I heard that most of those who people consider perfect in all ways are nothing but heartless idiots. Now, you made me realize that i’m someone special. How can i ever thank you my dear friend. I’m not ashamed anymore for who and how i am. I learned to accept my disability. You mean the world to me, and always have a special place in my heart. Please never leave me, always be there when i need you.

“ Ryan, what are you doing?” a soft voice whispered to him, which made him jump.

“Erica, what are you doing here, i didn’t hear you come in.” He gasped.

“ I’m sorry, you were so concentrated in what you were doing. I can’t stay long. I just came here to tell you something. I have to leave Ryan.”

“What! Quite joking!”

“I’m not, it’s time for me to go back where i belong with my mother.”

“I don’t understand did i do something to upset you. If i did , i apologize.”

“No, you didn’t silly, please don’t over react Ryan. Try to understand.”

“I can’t believe what i’m hearing. You came and lighted my world , now you want to leave and let me lost and alone in the darkness again. That’s so selfish of you , Erica. What did i do to you, to deserve this cruelness?”

“Nothing, and quite shouting. Let’s talk calmly and settle the matter.”

“No! I don’t want to hear anymore. You’re message is clear. Get out of here! I don’t want to see your face again forever!” he grabbed the written letter and crumpled it and threw it accross the room.

“ Please calm down. Look at you!”

“Yeah, don’t remind me that i look like a furious monster!”

“Shut up ! and sit down on the bed. Let me help you out of your wheelchair.”

She picked him up like a little child and put him on the bed. Ryan hated and desired her at the same time. He didn’t know what to do. They just sat there staring at each other in silence.

“Give me your hand!”she placed his hand on your face. Ryan started caressing her face. How soft it was and the beauty of her brown almond shaped eyes. He felt this strange sensation rising inside of him. Ryan didn’t know where to put himself.

“I know what you want Ryan and we both feel the same thing.” She said coming closer to him and kissing him tenderly. The kiss became passionate , while their tongues thrashed. Every thing happened so quickly, they were fondling with each others bodies. Ryan couldn’t take it anymore and so they became as one. . For the both of them, it was their first time to feel such warmth and sensation.

“ I’m sorry, but i have to go Ryan.” She pleaded.

“Already, i don’t want you to think that i was taking advantge of you. You know, i’m a guy. I couldn’t control myself. No words can explain how it felt.” He told her worriedly.

“ Don’t worry, about that i enjoyed it as much as you did. But it’s time for me to go. Good bye forever Ryan , thank you for all the good times we spent together. I’ll never forget you.”she cried.

“I don’t understand , why you’re doing this. What suddenly gotten into you? Is your dad treating you bad?or he thinks i’m not suitable for you? ”

“It’s a long story, but one day you’ll know the truth.” She kissed him and left. Ryan felt that his whole world shattered before him. The only girl he loved and loved him just walked out his life. He never felt such pain in his heart.

Ryan didn’t leave his house for weeks since after she left him that day. He went back to his old habit sitting near his bedroom window, glaring at people who passed by. He knows that he’ll never find a girl so kind and sweet like Erica. His old miserable life came back to him. Everything they did together , went through his mind. The laughter , the tears all emotions they shared together. He was dying inside little by little.

“Ryan ! i’m tired of seeing you moping around the house like that. Why don’t you go out. Honestly, you’ve changed alot. What gotten in to you!”his mother yelled.

He just glared at his mom, and went out for the first time to breath some clean air. Ryan remembered Erica telling him that she lived in a old brick house. But she never let him, take her back home. She said that her dad was really strict and unpleasant. She didn’t want to have problems between them.

Ryan did see her house. He had this urge to find her there.

“I’ll go there, wether her dad likes it or not. I want to know if she really left or just hiding from me.” He told himself.

The house looked very deserted, all the curtains where closed. It seems that no one was home.

“I’ll just knock and if there’s no one i’ll just go. It won’t hurt to try.” He had butterflies in his stomache. What really worried him, is not Erica’s father. The news she was there or not. Ryan knocked on the door anxiously. No answer, so he decided to turn around and leave but he heard someone inside the house cough.

“There’s some one there then!” he pounded on the door. An angry gray haired man came out.

“If you’re trying to sell me something, i’m not interested. Get the hell away from here, before you get it from me.” The man growled.

“ Sorry, Sir but i’m not a saleman. I just came here to find Erica.”Ryan told him.

The man just looked at Ryan without saying a word.

“What did you say!”he yelled.

‘I said….” ,

“ I heard what you said young man. But i’m not in the mood for any pranks now!”

“ You must be Erica’s father, my name is Ryan , i’m her friend. Did she ever tell you about me?”he said politely.

The man just laughed hysterically.

“Now , i understand , why she wanted to move back with her mom. This man acts strange. He probabaly scared her.” Ryan wondered to himself.

“Is she there? Can i please talk to her?”Ryan asked him.

The man just turned around and mumbled something and left Ryan at the door. He didn’t care and followed Erica’s dad inside.

The house was really spooky. It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned for years.

“When did she leave?” Ryan asked softly, afraid this man will attack man. He did look like a mad person.

“ 17 years ago.”

“Excuse me, maybe i didn’t hear you well or you misunderstood my question.”

“I’m not deaf , boy!”

“I told you she left me 17 yrs ago.”

This time Ryan was really confused. He wanted to leave this wacko. But in a way, he wanted to hear more.

“ I just saw a few weeks ago, but she told me that she was going to join her mother. Is she gone or still here?Please, it’s really important for me to see her or know where she is. I’m a real good friend of your daughter.”

“How does she look like?”

“Now, i think this man really lost it.” Ryan thought to himself.

“ Why are you giving me that look? I want you to describe how my daughter looks like.” The man snapped.

To play safe, Ryan did what the old man told him to do.

Erica’s dad left the room and came back with a huge photo of his daughter.

“This is her isn’t it?” he asked Ryan.

“Yes,”Ryan answered surprised.

The man just sat down slowly and held his head looking at Ryan with a blank stare. The silence between them was making Ryan uncomfortable.

Finally , he said: “You really saw her did you. How is she?”

“That’s akward question, i thought she lived with you.”

“She did , Ryan, 17 years ago.”

“What are you trying to tell me?”Ryan said losing his patience.

“Jina my wife died after giving birth to Erica’s little sister. At that time, she was just only 15 yrs old.”

“I didn’t know that Erica’s mom was dead. She told me that she was going to live with her. Why did she lie to me.”

“Listen to me , and don’t interrupt me anymore.”

“ At that time, i was really depressed. I didn’t know what to do. I hated the baby so much. I didn’t bother even giving it a name. I don’t know what Erica called her sister. I always had this urge to kill the baby for taking my wife a way. But Erica always protected her from me. Then one day , i put something in the tea to put Erica asleep. It was her 17th birthday the next day. I didn’t want to do it but i was furious and lost control. I took the baby from under her arms. We had a well behind this house. I threw the baby in the well. The next morning i told her that i found the baby dead in her arms and i took it and buried it in our garden. The story shocked her, i knew it was wrong of me to lie to her like that. She was really attached to the baby. Now i realized what i did was thoughtless and heartless of me. Now it caused me , my wife and children.”

“Are you trying to tell me that Erica died 17 yrs ago?” Ryan asked shivering. The old man just nodded.

“I can’t believe it that during all these time i was in love with a ghost. Worst of all, I did it with her. Unbelievable ! This is really messed up. I think i’m the one that is going crazy but not this man.”Ryan thought to himself.

“Ryan, why ar e you so lost in your thoughts. You’re so pale.” Erica’s dad asked him.

“I gotta get out of here, before i lose it!”

Ryan tried to wheel himself the quickest as he could,but something stop him. He turned around and saw Erica. He was shocked , and suddenly problems with his breathing.

“Calm down Ryan, i don’t want anything to happen to you.”Erica begged.

“ Don’t touch me . You’re not real just my imagination. I’m having a nightmare now.”

“It’s real Ryan. What dad told you about me is all true. I was there when he told you the story. I was standing right behind you.”

“You lie, if you were why couldn’t he see you?”

“ No one can see me and touch me except you Ryan. “ she told him.

“Is that her you’re talking to now Ryan.”

Ryan just looked at the man and Erica confused. He started to leave again but she stopped him.

“ Please i still need your help.” Erica begged him.

“ Ryan, please tell her i’m sorry for what i’ve done. I regrettred it all. Ask her where did she go and what happened after?”

“ No need to, she can hear everything we say. Tell us what really happened Erica.”

“ The day , dad told me the news what happened to my little sister , i was heart broken. So that night i left the house and went to the cemetery. I begged the grave keeper to lend me a shovel. I had to bribe him with the little money i bought. I told him to help me dig a grave.

At first he thought i was drugged or something. It was hard to convince him, to go along with my plan. After the grave was dug, i entered the hole and asked him to bury me alive. I promised him that he didn’t have anything to do with my death.”

“How long did it take you to die ? Didn’t you suffer? “ Ryan asked sadly.

“ Not long, it was very suffocating in there.” Erica replied.

Ryan repeated the story to her father. The old man just shook his head in despair.

Why did you come back again? Why did you choose me too?” Ryan asked.

“I came back to find the truth and to help you become a new person. I know that you suffer alot Ryan . I came to save you from falling into a deadly depression. You deserve to live Ryan, and you have your entire life ahead of you. Now i’m staisfied i can rest in peace. I finally find out the truth and saved another life. “

“ You really think so, Erica. You destroyed me more than ever. You’re not in my place. I was in love with you. I thought we could’ve built a future together. Now all my plans are ruined i have to start from the begining now.”Ryan said angrily and hurt.

“ No, you’re wrong . It’s just the beginning of a new life for you and dad. Now , everything is clear. Just follow me where my grave is.”

The cemetery wasn’t far from her house.

“ That’s were the grave keeper buried me.” She told him.

“ Where’s the man now?”

“ He died a few years ago, so don’t bother looking for him. Let his soul rest in peace. Ryan.”

“ And what about you? Erica. Now you heard the truth. How do you feel, now?

“ Thank you very much for making everything clear for me. By thanking you i will tell you these last words. You’ll be happy more than ever now. Forget all your pain and sorrow. It’s a brand new life for you. Even though, you’ll never have a real leg like other people. Never give up in life. You’re an important person. You have your talents and above all your talents. We both live in a different world, i know it’s painful but we both have to go our separate ways. Hug and kiss me for the last time Ryan, and after leave this place. Never turn back. All your bad past will be behind you, and a new future awaits for you.”

Ryan did what she said, but the saddness of leaving her all disappeared. When he walked out the cemetery. He forgotten everything that occured. He was a brand person with a brand new life. His disability didn’t bother him anymore. He continued living and was happy as ever.

After several years , he met and married a wonderful woman. They named their first child Erica.

“ We only have one life to live. Life is wonderful and great. Even though it has it ups and downs. Don’t let that get to you. So we should enjoy every second of it. Never give up or lose hope. Everything that you want to achieve in life and your dreams, can come true. Never let people take your hopes and dreams. No matter how you are or how you look physically. Each one of us are special, in our own ways. Anything is possible.”

3 thoughts on “Never Turn Back

  1. !!! Mako out with a ghost!!! you have a really … freak imagination girl!!! really cool anyway, I like that!

    Did you have the movie “ghost” when you write this? the scene between Patrick swaye-whoppi Golberg and Demi Moore? nooo! just joking!

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